Forget everything I posted this morning. He is the love of my life and im ready to take this move of committing myself to him forever. Im ready to have another baby. Im ready and these butterflies will and always be here. He is my smile, when I watch him sleep and im happy to see him everyday to say I love you and I want nothing more to always be his wife. And grow old and become a better person.
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Everyday, seems like I stress over things I really shouldn’t. It keeps playing through my head how my man, doesn’t care and I wish he would understand. I can’t make someone perfect, but do I really have to deal with being stressed this often? I just want him to listen or respond or at least take me seriously.. What i need to do, is just focus. I want to have all his attention all the time but really what i need to do is focus on myself. Time to grow up and stop forgiving and start being a grown woman now. Ive had a bad allergic reaction before and only my mom cared when it did happen.. A couple of days ago.
I wish I could have a girls night out or be around the crew saying stupid jokes, laughing together. I should go to school on Monday and get things done. I’m tired of thinking this is all fun. When I am miserable and he doesn’t even hold me when we sleep. He complains secretly in his head and yahoo had an article about if your partner is tired of you or in other words unhappy and i found that 3 of the 6 were exactly whats been going on. 1.he cant put his electronics down. 2.When we eat there’s nothing to talk about anymore 3.He keeps telling me I repeat myself every time I want to talk to him seriously..
the putting the electronics down im pretty sure isnt that hard for him, its just most likly him breaking up with me and him just pushing me away the most fucked up way possible and not remember anything i ever say and sports and other stuff is 20x more important, which is sad
you never deserved all those …… UGH.
and when we have nothing to talk about, I want to talk about anything and he seems to not even pay attention at all when I try to talk about anything in that matter
and he always tells me i bring up the past .. to be honest if im talking about something within the same month or year that is recent.. it doesnt have to be the exact day
for instance i always complain about how he never spent any holiday with me and he was fine and doesnt even bother saying he wishes he spent it with me or says ya know my family comes first
i mean in the begining when we first met and it was thanksgiving i totally understand but now???? like really? he can buy beer the majority of the time we re together buy coke and xtc but he cant even bother to try to ask me if i would like to spend time with him
Ultimate slap in my face, with pure emotions instead.
i guess the bigger picture is i need to move on, there is nothing but emotional pain and neglect he brings to me but i like that he is not the best boyfriend because i have my mind set that is what i deserve
and another part of this whole mess is I ignore his physical signs like how he would rather just not be around me. i need to move on.. this has really helped .. if your following me on tumblr and you read this whole thing you must really care, actually no one does now a days. no one texts or calls or even reads my messages i send through anything. i need to stop being a nice little girl and turn into the athletic, strong, independent mother i know i can be… and get more respect from people rather then fucking laughs.. TO be Completly Honest i hate everyone and i hate people … i dont know why im doing this on here maybe to just vent cause i know no one would talk to me this hour of the morning. i hope i read this from time to time and thank my self everytime i read it…. if i cant change someone for me why not give up when i needed him the most and he is just in lala land and not giving any fuck about me as usual..